i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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