she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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