Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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