ugly people sure do ruin things
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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