so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize