Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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