She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize