Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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