The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize