i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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