I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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