Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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