fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize