woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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