Sry I called you an 8
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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