so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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