I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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