There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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