You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize