big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize