cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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