if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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