As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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