I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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