Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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