this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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