Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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