well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
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we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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