his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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