Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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