I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your penis caused this!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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