Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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