Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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