I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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