Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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