Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize