Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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