I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize