Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
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i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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