Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize