I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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