true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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