So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize