I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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