Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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