So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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