Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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