I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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