Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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