my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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